Anything Goes…

time flies so fast..

i was so happy 11 months ago to finally see ralph again, after jurassic years..

11 months of being together..hmm..its been a wonderful 11 months of my life..he’s one of the best things that ever happened to me..i’ve been praying for this since i was 17!..

11 months..only God knows if this will last.. all im sure of is im doing my part, im giving my all, for this relationship to work..

if we fail, i wont live in regret..i wont blame myself..because i know, and im certain, that i’ve only given it my best..

if we fail..i’ll be sad..but i’ll definitely be thankful for having the chance to spend a moment of my life with him..and i wont continue wondering how its like being with him..

but we will only fail if he will want it to happen..because that’s not one of my goals right now..i want this relationship to work..i want this to last..

hope i get all the help i need..kasi hindi lahat kaya kong intindihin..hindi lahat laging okay lang..hindi lahat tatanggapin ko na lang..

thanks to some people i met in the past, they thought me well..i’ve learned to give more, understand more, and forgive more..but all things has its own limit..i wish i wont get to mine anytime soon..

11 months..im still looking forward to many more monthsaries and anniversaries to celebrate with you..i can only promise you few things: i’ll be true to you, i’ll forever love you, and i’ll be here for you no matter what..

just realized, there’s too much photos in my frenster..same photos i have in my multiply account..so why keep ‘em all here?!.. i’ve really nothing to do..im bored..it’s a sunday night and im at work..was supposed to remove all photos but decided to let some of them stay.. oh well, i may clear em all up tomorrow..who knows?!..women are fickle minded..but c’mon, im no lady!haha!.. yeah..whatever..

it’s been 8 months…who would have thought, eh?!

i can still
remember..march 17th, 10:30 pm..outside music 21 in jupiter..a week
after carlo and i broke up..you came..i never expected that you’ll
come, but you did..

i waited for so long..
may of 2001 til march of 2007..
6 years..
2 failed relationships after..
here you are..
at last..

im so happy to have you back..
so looking forward to spending everyday of my life with you..

its another sunday morning at work for me..

another relaxing day..

less work, same pay..good deal, ey?

but still, its sunday..im so used to visiting my folks in valenzuela on sundays..which i havent been doing for 2 weeks now..

oh well, great things come with bits of sacrifices..nothing that i cant manage..huh!?

so here i am, in front of my flat screen dell monitor..with my toffee nut latte , my companion and strength-provider for the day..waiting til avaya hits 3:00pm - end shift!..

cant wait to get home..
i miss my bed..
i need sleep..
waah!..

be careful who you trust..you’ll never know which is real..what you see may not be what it seems..

believe me..there could be monsters behind the smiles..

you’ll
never realize their ugliness ’til they take off their masks..there’s no
need to fret..i am not afraid, no one’s afraid..because these monsters
are cowards..they usually have little brains, some may have bigger ones
but they rarely maximize its use..they are immature..they are lonely..i
pity them..

"he’s not man enough to accept his fall.." –words of he who was left not by choice..

yeah,maybe..

they’re weak..

don’t blame others for your incompetencies..
dont let others see how inexperienced you are..
end
your childishness and start thinking about how you can better your
situation and prove that you can stand, instead of busying yourself on
thinking of how you can get even..

that made me wonder..
get even?..why?..were you mistreated ‘personally’ for you to think of causing harm?..

i am upset..im pissed..
and very DISAPPOINTED..
didn’t think that the very people i looked up to would choose to be like that..

i, we, even considered them friends..

friend
(n.) 1. someone you can rely on. 2. will cry when you’re sad. 3. will
celebrate when you’re happy. 4. will be proud of your success. 5. will
wish you well. 6. will never put you down.

there’s one thing i’ve learned from this experience. you’ll never really know who your true friends are.

i
dont regret anything i’ve done, nor will i take back anything that i’ve
said..i am just being real, something that some people should start
doing –> be real.

oh, have to correct myself..they already started being real..they’ve already shown they’re true faces –> ugly, very.

thanks for the fake friendship.

i
didnt talk before even though i,  everyone even, is already noticing
the childishness and the lack of PROFESSIONALISM..this is because i
still had a bit of RESPECT for them..

but now that that bit of respect is lost, it’s time to begin letting them know..it’s time to speak up..

ganun nga siguro yun, malungkot sila kaya gusto nila malungkot lahat..
kawawa naman..

training days are over!..hello real world!

kainis, 95 lang ako sa finals..sana mas ginalingan ko pa..imberna!!..anyway, at least nakapasa..kaba days are over!..sa wakas!may trabaho na ulet ako!..

sana sweldo na..hay, ang tagal..

we cant make all people happy..not everyone will agree to what we believe in, or even understand what we’re trying to point out..that’s normal..there’s no perfect world..what’s important is that we know what we believe in, we believe in them, and we fight for them all..

at last!

after all the mess i’ve been in..

after all the heart aches..uncertainties..questions..i have it all figured out..

i decided to fight for it..to have FAITH..to believe that he’s meant for me, and i for him..

we’ve been through a lot..serious issues..very difficult situations..but we were able to go through them all..i still have him, he still have me..we still have each other..

i know some of my friends wont agree with this..but this is what’s making me happy..and for me, that’s the most important thing..

i tried to get out of it, to leave, to let go..to do what’s right, what they say is right..but i just cant..

one night, we were lying beside each other..i told him what my friends think about our situation..

abbie: honey, they dont like you for me..they say its not right..

ralph: basta ang alam ko, mahal kita, mahal mo ko..wala akong pakialam sa sasabihin ng iba..

he held my hand and embraced me..

then i told myself, this is what you’ve been wishing for..to have someone who will truly love you..

yeah..this is what i want..he is what i want..why the hell am i confusing myself?!..

i’ve always wanted to be happy..he makes me happy..he makes me want to wake up each day..he made me start to think about my future, our future..he makes me a better person everyday..he makes me smile..he gives me reasons to live, to work even harder, to be what i am..with him, i dont have to pretend to be someone i am not..he stays calm when i am grumpy..he makes me feel taken care of..he makes me feel special, wanted, appreciated..i so love everything about him..all..and i will never stop feeling this way..because i know that he’ll love me, and he’ll stay beside me no matter what..

..saw my bestest college friends last saturday!..its been over a year!..though not everybody made it, it was still fun being with them again..

there was decio, carissa, ryan, arnold, joelle, mark, JE, and i..we had buffet lunch at market!market!, a treat from JE..then doing what we all love ever since, singing!went to jupiter for that..then  had coffee at sbux psc..di matapus-tapos ang kwento!..its nice to know that they’re all doing okay..health-wise..career-wise..

that day kinda brought back some memories..good ones..real good ones..then questions came in like crazy…what ifs..then followed by if onlys…

it’s not good to have regrets in life..but i guess. amongst all the 10 billion bad choices made in this world, half of them were mine..

its sad that it took me years to finally see the picture..im so damn stupid..

sabi nga ni carissa, its a phase, everybody goes through it..but why is it like im going through that phase over and over..it keeps repeating itself..and i never learn..i keep on making bad decisions..hay..

too bad, realization came in so late..

now i know what to do..i’ve been told its the right thing to do..i realized it is..but i dont know how to start..

i’ve already lost all that there is left of me..i’ve got nothing more to give..nothing more to spare..nothing..not even pride..

what should i do now..where shall i begin?..

leave him, at least start with that..promise me, you will..–carissa’s advice..

today’s horoscope:
When someone says something that confuses you today, do not walk away
and reject their comments. The viewpoints that don’t make sense to you
are the very ones you should try to listen to — because they are the
ones that have the most to teach you. Engage in a dialogue with this
provocateur and find out what makes them think in such original ways.
More importantly, have faith in your own ideas. They are strong enough
to withstand any scrutiny or cross-examination.

hay..im so confused..right when i thought things are going on so well..yes they are, but until when?..

parents know best..
now i know..i should listen..
from now on, i will..

i’ve turned 25!

had the happiest birthday ever!

celebrated with my family, had lunch at macapagal..
had brunch party at home with super friends..
and finally, to end the weeklong celebration, went to the beach with ralph..

he took me to galera as a birthday present..it’s the best gift i’ve ever received..the weather was not too good, hanna hit the city the same day we left for galera..ferry ride was kinda scary..but the experience was all worth it!

tamaraw beach resort is very wonderful..nice sand..beautiful beach..very relaxing place..plus ralph on the side..perfect!..he made my birthday so unforgettable..

ralph: i love you ney.. hope you liked my gift..
abbie: i did..thanks honey..
ralph: im happy to hear that..basta kung kaya ko ibigay lahat, i will, to make you happy..

hay..
thanks ralph..
thanks for making me HAPPY..

real happiness at last..

today’s horoscope…

LIBRA

The past has passed, and your future lies ahead of you, so look ahead and get going!

The past has passed, and your future lies ahead of you, beautiful and ripe with many exciting opportunities — so why are you dwelling on things that just don’t matter? You can’t change what has been done — all you can do is learn your lesson and know better next time. It’s time to shake yourself loose from the grip of your past and move forward. Start planning new adventures — a trip overseas or at least a great distance could be just the ticket to shift your focus.